I know. I know.
You thought that I had forgotten about this aspect of my blog and to be completely honest, I did….somewhat willingly. I was informed, by my mother, that my last post, made me sound “angry and jilted” and that I am probably pushing men away with my attitude. To that I say, I am angry and will stay angry. I am tired of listening to busted dudes give their fucking two sense about dark-skin black women when no one is checking for them to begin with.
I don’t hate men.
I hate stupidity.
But this is not about that post. This is about the fact that I came back to give you what we agreed upon. My pound of flesh. My first born child. My recounting of failures that make up my love life. So let me begin. Firstly, I joined and quit Tinder one night in May. It was like my foray into playing the Facebook Game “Pot Farm” except not a rewarding because at least with “Pot Farm”, I acquired seeds that grew into weed plants that produced pizza and cookies. Also, I had a stoner raccoon and a hydroponic school bus in my yard. So actually that one night with “Pot Farm” was WAY better.
Tinder is a lot like those “HOT OR NOT” apps you see advertised on Instagram right between pictures of half-naked men, Herbal-life ads, and those half-mesh, half spandex body-con jumpsuit dresses that are everywhere now. You swipe left or right depending on whether you find a person hot or not.
(Pretty self explanatory.)
I, as a self-proclaimed judgmental bitch, can get down with this idea of being vapid, reading what people put on their profiles, and judging them accordingly. That is one of my many tiny pleasures. What I didn’t like however was the fact that it has to be connected to my Facebook. No. NOOO! That is the worst.
Tinder, do you know how awkward I felt when random cute-ish guys came across my screen and we had friends in common. Do you not understand that I don’t want to be any degrees away from dating anyone my Facebook friends might know. The Nasty Nati is big enough for this to be a silly problem, yet small enough for it to still be considered a problem. Just NO, TINDER! NO! Also, if I am to be more of a Judgemental Judy….there weren’t enough hot guys. There I said it.
But that was my one night with Tinder. Never Again!
(Probably. Maybe later when I’m getting close to Shark week and my emotions are high.)
More recently, I signed up for Chemistry.com, which is the sister-site of Match.com. I had forgotten until it was too late (and too late = I was super lazy and didn’t care that much) that I had already signed up for Match.com. But I hadn’t gone onto Match and filled it out further so….whatever. Of course like all dating sites, I had to fill out the questionnaire so that they could figure out what type of person I am. Questions that to me need a larger range of bubbles instead of just:
Maybe there are times when I feel as if I am neither more nor less intelligent than people around me. Maybe I need an “I’m in the middle button”. An “I can go either way” or ” I don’t really care” button. Regardless, I moved on and even took time out of my busy Tumblr reblogging schedule to fill out the “what type of relationship do you want to have with your partner” section. They made the suggestion to leave negativity out so mine was pretty short and sounded more like a relationship mission statement. It goes as follows:
My ideal match and I would have fierce Risk battles over beers, walk through Museums creating memories and inside jokes that make us laugh years later. We would try new food and have food competitions. We could talk for hours but being silent together is also enjoyable. We watch crappy reality shows in between shows that are legendary. We teach each other new things and always try something once, even if in the end, one or both of us dislike it. We love being together but know that we need time apart. We are awesome and cute. And did I mention awesome?
I thought this sounded adequate enough since it can always be changed and kept it pushing. I even put up a recent (within two months) picture of me.
So after all of that, I ended up learning that I am an “Explorer”, which means that I am spontaneous, creative, and open-minded. I learned within three minutes that this labeling really had no significance since the site never told me if I would be more compatible with people they deemed Directors (decisive, focused, independent), or Negotiators (imaginative, empathetic, nurturing), or even Builders (social, loyal, dependable). It’s just arbitrary labeling for the sake of labeling. The Myer-Briggs Test is a way better test and I don’t even really subscribe to that type of thinking. Hell, following Astrology would be way better than that crappy Chemistry.com test.
I also get to my bare homepage which is understandable because I just signed up. When I had signed up, I thought that I would be able to do things but that was quickly squashed. There were only 10 guys that I could look at for the day and they were all new users like myself. Not users that Chemistry.com had picked for me because they thought I might like them. Just 10 randoms that also had the misfortune to be new. I couldn’t look at their profile nor could I interact with the website in any other way. Oh! and when I started to look through my 10 guy pile and decide “yes or no”, I could only keep 5 of them in the “maybe later” pile. Unlike OKCupid, which is full of profiles to view, questions to answer so that you can boost your match rating, the ability to add multiple pictures WITHOUT having them confirmed by administrators, and the ability to message people or even send them a cheeky winky-face, Chemistry.com had nothing.
Everything you would want to do is behind a pay wall. You want to send a wink to someone on Chemistry, pay up. You want to see who sent you a message, pay the piper.
(To be honest, OKCupid started to have certain functions that you could only get if you paid, but in the end those were just add-ons and not things that were necessary when it comes to trying to date online. Like the ability to communicate. )
Seeing that I wouldn’t be able to do ANYTHING without giving them my hard-earned money, I clicked on the “subscribe” button to view the prices. It costs 36.99 dollars for a month, 24.99 for 3 months, and a low, low price of 18.99 for 6 months.
(Such a steal.)
When I saw the price of $18.99 (which should just be fucking $19.00. Why are we still acting like getting something for $0.01 less is a steal? It isn’t!), I thought I would pay 18.99 plus a special fee for the first month and then $18.99 for the next 5 months. Which was wrong. They wanted me to pay about $100+ dollars up front for the whole 6 months. As a newly super frugal person when it comes to my money and items that are not shoe or Modcloth related, I have learned to really wait it out and mull everything over. I have gotten burned WAY too many times by not thinking things over. I will Scrooge McDuck the hell out of a situation.
But two days later, with my mind made up and credit card in hand, I attempted to log into Chemistry.com. Only to be told that there is something wrong with my account. This is, of course, was news to me since the only things I had done on that site were:
1.Upload my bomb-ass pic
2. Write that awesome relationship mission statement
3. Say that I was “a nerd girl looking for a nerd boy” (super standard)
4. Fill out their stupid ass questionnaire
5. Click “No Thank You” on about 6-7 guys.
So, I emailed them only to be told that I had been terminated.
When I emailed them again to see why I was unjustly terminated, their answer was that they couldn’t tell me the specifics due to privacy practices. Which would make sense….if I was asking them about someone else’s account. But I can’t even know about MY OWN!? I should be able to know why I was terminated.They suggested that I get a subpoena if I really wanted to know.
(I don’t care that much.)
Looking through the Terms and Conditions, I read that Chemistry.com doesn’t have to tell you why they terminated you AND if you are terminated after you have paid them, there is NO REFUND.
So if I had paid them when I signed up, I would have just given them $37 to $100+ for nothing. I dodged a giant bullet because I already know had I given them money, this blog post would have been nothing but a string of expletives.
After getting my termination email and the subsequent “kiss off” email, I did some investigating to see if other people had gone through something like this. And it seems that in the long run, Chemistry.com did me a solid. People have complained about not receiving any messages or only receiving messages from people who ended up being scams, e.g. accounts would be deactivated after a person had messaged them and then it would be activated again under a different name with the same picture. Another big complaint was that Chemistry.com would auto renewed your account even if you had clicked the “no auto renew button” or deactivated your account. My favorite complaint is from June 6th 2014:
– Mark, consumeraffairs.com
It seems like I might have to go back to OKCupid. I would try Match but I hate their sister site, and I don’t want to be anywhere near that online family. And even though, OKCupid is owned by the same company that owns Match and Chemistry, it is way better, doesn’t have shady billing practices, and is free.
So, that is attempt one of the Summer. If this is the beginning, then I am in for a bumpy ride.